Paris Jackson Opens Up About Battle With Self-Harm and Trying to Kill Herself 'Many Times'
By Paige Gawley
David Crotty/Patrick McMullan via Getty Images
Paris Jackson is opening up about her mental health and past self-harm struggles. On the latest episode of her Facebook Watch series, Unfiltered: Paris Jackson and Gabriel Glenn, the 22-year-old daughter of Michael Jackson reveals that she first began harming herself when she moved in with her grandmother, Katherine Jackson, following her father's death in 2009.
"We were very, very healthy," Paris said of her diet while she was living with her dad. "And then literally just within the year of him passing away I moved in with my grandma, so there were no rules. Soda and cake all the time."
"I gained a lot of weight and food became an addiction," she continued. "And then a cousin called me fat and I was like, 'OK, I can't do that anymore.' And that's how I fell into self-harm."
Paris revealed she would "cut and burn" herself, but "never thought" she'd die from her self-harm behaviors.
"I was always the one that was in control of the razor. I knew how deep I was going," she said, "Part of it was the dopamine release. And dopamine is called dope for a reason. It feels good. Things like food and sex and drugs and music and working out. There's a lot of things that cause a dopamine release and self-harm is one of them, tattoos are one of them. Part of it was that and then it was also a distraction from emotional pain and transferring to physical pain and the need for control."
Paris went on to admit that she tried to kill herself "many times." Following one of those suicide attempts, Paris was sent to a boarding school in Utah.
"I could't take it anymore. I didn't have a choice, I was underage. CPS said that they would take me if I wasn't sent there," she said. "I learned a lot about myself. The problems that I went there with got fixed, but I left with way more than I came in with."
Despite her struggles with mental health, Paris explained that she's "not a fan of medications" because of how they make her feel.
"I used to be on anti-depressants and mood stabilizers and it just kind of clouded my third eye... You can't numb the bad without numbing the good," she said. "For me, my depression comes in waves, so even though the lows are unbearably low, I would still rather that than nothing. Pain is way better than just numb because at least you’re feeling something."
Though Paris admitted that she still "struggle[s] to accept" herself, she's continuously working to do just that.
"I want to influence self-acceptance and courage and being comfortable in your own skin," she said. "I'm just working on content. I'm trying to just be content. Baby steps. Self-love s**t is hard."