The Best Jokes from the Roast of Charlie Sheen


Charlie Sheen showed some very tough skin on Monday during the broadcast of Comedy Central's roast of the embattled star and we're giving you the highlights and low blows of the night.

Roastmaster Seth MacFarlane set the bar for the night when he opened with a pre-written obituary for the man he was roasting. Midway through his speech, Seth admitted that he only copied Amy Winehouse's obituary and made a few edits - the gender, the location of the body and "the part that says a talent that will be missed."

The honorary roasters -- Jon Lovitz, Kate Walsh, Jeffrey Ross, Mike Tyson, Anthony Jeselnik, Steve-O, Amy Schumer, William Shatner and Patrice O'Neal -- gave a friendly standing ovation for Charlie as he entered the metaphorical coliseum like a true rock star. The actor floated on a locomotive in a cloud of smoke while legendary guitarist Slash strummed behind him.

After the smoke cleared, the roasters took off the gloves and turned up the heat with their caustic, but clever, quips.

"I have to say, Charlie, you are an incredible medical specimen," said Kate Walsh. "I guess that's one of the benefits of waking up every morning at the crack of crack."

MORE: Charlie Sheen's Meltdown Timeline

80-year-old William Shatner asked Charlie, 46, "How come we look like we went to high school together?".

Even though the roast bore Charlie's name, the actor kept poised even as the jokes went seemingly out of bounds, targeting his family.

MORE: Charlie Sheen Takes Low Blows at Roast

"Charlie don't you want to live to see [your kids'] first 12 steps," said Jeffrey Ross.

"It was international news when he ruined the lives of those two girls living with [him] ... you know, [his] daughters," joked Amy Schumer.

Most of the comedians ended their sets with a heartfelt comment about how much they really do care about Charlie but that didn't make Charlie soften his blows when he got the last word. Watch the video for his retort.