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Amanda Kloots is once again getting candid and deeply personal with her followers. The TV personality reflected on starting the new year with an emotional post about her difficult holiday season following the death of her husband, Nick Cordero, due to COVID-19 back in July.
"New Years has been tough, extremely hard for me. I've cried more recently than in awhile," Kloots wrote in an post shared to her Instagram Story on Saturday. "I thought Christmas would be hard, this was worse."
"I think it's because when the new year comes you want a clean slate or to forget about last year, esp 2020. But, I can't forget about last year and will not be able to wipe that slate clean," Kloots continued. "I also think I am slightly scared of what can happen in a year, how much things can change."
Kloots also shared that she feels like "everything I went through is finally catching up to me and I am finally ready to go to therapy to address the trauma."
Kloots and Cordero tied the knot in September 2017, and welcomed their son, Elvis, in June 2019. Cordero was hospitalized with COVID-19 last April, and after a roller coaster three months of operations and medical setbacks, the Broadway actor died on July 5.
Kloots continued her emotional message, writing, "I share all of this as my continued honesty about grief and loss. How it ebbs and flows, changes a lot. How it hides and then finds you. How it's a journey, not just a week. How it's continued struggle even as I stay positive and active. How you can cry some days for two seconds or two hours. How it makes you feel so lonely and confused."
"Being honest, acknowledging all of this instead of hiding it, has helped me. I hope it helps you," she concluded.
Amid the holidays, Kloots has been reflecting on the hardships she endured this year and the death of her husband. On Christmas Eve, she posted a throwback of her and Cordero celebrating their first Christmas with their son.