Chrissy Teigen is opening up about her struggles with infertility. In a new interview with Refinery 29, the model and entrepreneur said she didn't realize how little it was talked about until she started sharing her story.
"I've been open about so much throughout my life, and so [infertility] didn't seem like a crazy thing to talk about. But the more I spoke about it, the more I realized how taboo it was," Teigen said. "But quietly, I was getting DMs and letters — like handwritten letters — and emails. I realized that people didn't think they could talk about it on an open forum, but they were happy to do it privately. I realized people don't feel comfortable talking about this."
"In the Thai culture, you're very open about death and speaking about death and loss and when someone passes, they're still very much a part of your life," Teigen explained. "I’ve kind of been bouncing back and forth between that Thai tradition of keeping your loved one close but also wanting to release him and wanting him to be a part of the Earth again — just spiritually wanting him to be a part of the universe again."
While she and her husband, John Legend, have not decided where and when they will spread Jack's ashes, Teigen did share that Legend has a song in the works that takes her right back to that emotional moment. But despite the loss, she still feels music heals and will release some of grief that she and her family have been battling over the last year.
"Music for us is so healing, and I think it's going to be a really beautiful summer and year coming up, with being able to release grief and loss. It’s going to be really transformative and amazing," Teigen told the magazine.
In a new interview with Today, Teigenshared more about that emotional moment and how sharing her story has impacted other women going through the same thing.
"There was one moment that really struck me, and that was being at the grocery store and somebody just quietly laying flowers in my cart," she explained. "And then I realized that there’s so many women that don’t get this kind of attention because you just don’t know that it happened to them."
Teigen continued, "They’re living through this privately and quietly, and it just was a big moment for me where I realized that I could be this person that people could see and look up to as somebody that had a platform, where their stories were going to be recognized. For me, that was a very defining moment."
Despite her struggles with fertility and being told she can no longer safely carry a baby, Teigen still wants to expand her family, in whatever way that looks like.
"There’s so many different ways to make your dream happen now," she shared. "Coming to terms with the fact that I can’t carry again has been something really tough, and I’ve agonized over it, because to me, it’s when I’m at my happiest. I loved being pregnant, and the fact I got to do it twice, I think was miraculous enough."
"There’s a way to have that beautiful child whether it’s your own or whether you adopt," she added. "I think the more we share our stories, the more people will realize that they connect with one of those stories. ... There’s something so beautiful about that."