The leading man also shares his thoughts on the road to recovery.
Colton Haynes is coming clean about some of the struggles he’s faced over the last year.
The striking actor is one of three celebs covering the latest issue of Attitude magazine, which is celebrating its 25th anniversary, and in the spread’s interview, he opens up about loss, addiction and looking forward.
In March 2018, Haynes’ mother died after suffering advanced cirrhosis of the liver and kidney failure. Then, in May 2018, after just six months of marriage to Jeff Leatham, a prominent florist and writer, Haynes filed for divorce. These two events, coupled with adjusting to being open about his sexuality, wreaked havoc in the actor’s life.
“I came out and, in a way, my downward spiral started,” he tells the magazine. “I felt extremely free but at the same time the amount of attention I was getting was making me spin out of control. I got married and that didn’t work out. That was extremely public and heart-breaking, and right when that was going on, my mom died. That was only a year ago.”
“At that point, I fell apart. My brain broke. I was doing this massive comedy for a studio, showed up to work and got fired on the first day,” he adds. “They said I looked as if I had ‘dead in my eyes’ — and I did. I think it was the best decision in the world to fire me. I got so heavily involved with drugs and alcohol to mask the pain I was feeling that I couldn’t even make some decisions for myself. I was drowning in my own sh*t.”
The 30-year-old actor also gets candid about hitting rock bottom, resulting in an involuntary visit to a mental hospital.
“I locked myself in a hotel room at the Waldorf Astoria in Beverly Hills for seven days and was found in my room with these bruises all over my body,” he shares. “It looked as if somebody had beaten the sh*t out of me. I couldn’t walk, so I was falling everywhere. I almost ruptured my kidney, ended up in the hospital, ended up on 5150 [a temporary psych hold]. I was on such a destructive path that I could not function.”
The ordeal caused him to lose sight in one of his eyes for a time; he also experienced two seizures. Haynes also discusses entering rehab afterward and the transformation it has brought about in his life.
"Once I went to treatment, I found this amazing amount of true love for myself,” he says. “And started figuring out who I am without those vices, and recognizing the people in my life who lifted me up instead of tearing me down."
In terms of his future, the Arrow star is optimistic while also admitting that his battle to preserve his happiness and well-being is not over.
"I’m always going to be in recovery,” he says. “There are so many people struggling out there, but not a lot of them talk about it. Life is much more beautiful than I could have imagined… It's just a different life now. It's the best gift I've ever been given."