Holly Madison Opens Up About Her Struggle With Body Dysmorphia While at the Playboy Mansion

Holly Madison is sharing her struggles with body dysmorphia. In a TikTok video posted on Sunday, Madison detailed what she went through and how she viewed her body during her time at the Playboy Mansion.

"So for a recent post, I was looking for pictures of myself in a bunny costume and I came across one. It reminded me of a moment in my life where I was watching a playback of myself in a fashion show and I thought, 'Oh my god, I need to lose weight,'" Madison explained before sharing a photo of herself from 2005.

The model went on to say that she wanted to be honest about what she went through in an effort to help others who are struggling with body dysmorphia. 

"I hope people can take a minute and think about how they think about their own body and is it holding you back by feeling bad about yourself?" Madison asked her fans in the clip before sharing how her own view of her body prevented her from enjoying life.

"It’s not worth it. It’s not worth feeling bad about yourself. Like, there are things we all want to improve about ourselves, but it’s not even worth taking the time to be miserable," she added.

Madison said she was "terrified" to look at photos of herself, like the one she share of her in her iconic bunny suit, because it would send her mind into a tailspin.

"[I] thought I had gained weight, and thought I hadn’t stuck to my diet, and I thought my thighs were huge and I thought, 'I need to lose five pounds at least,'" she recalled. "And that’s ridiculous. I look like a stick."

In 2015, Madison released her first memoir about her time in the mansion titled, Down the Rabbit Hole: Curious Adventures and Cautionary Tales of a Former Playboy Bunny. In it, she discussed the highs and lows during her time there and her relationship with the late Hugh Hefner.

She claims she was subjected to a myriad of house rules, and was verbally and emotionally abused by Hefner, which led to depression and thoughts of suicide. Madison also claims that Hefner was a "manipulator" and "pitted" many of the Bunnies against each other.

"If I just put my head under water and take a deep breath in, it would all be over," she wrote in her tell-all, recalling a suicidal moment she had in the bathtub. "Drowning myself seemed like the logical way to escape the ridiculous life I was leading."

For more on Madison's time in the mansion, watch the video below.

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