"It's the worst thing that can happen to me besides death," she candidly revealed to PrideSource.
Stefani went on to explain that growing up around her parents, who are still happily married, made her split after 13 years of marriage particularly difficult.
"My whole life all I wanted to do was be a mother and a wife, and I had the dream of having this family because that’s what I had," the 46-year-old singer said. "I have parents who’ve been married since high school, who are in love, and they’re still in love… I had a perfect example, so it’s super tragic for me. My dreams are shattered and I feel so embarrassed about what happened."
The "Misery" singer is not, however, embarrassed to open up about the split -- namely because she feels her new album, This Is What the Truth Feels Like, saved her life.
“It’s so therapeutic to talk about it," Stefani said of the album. "And I hope it saves some other lives. I really, really truly do hope that. That’s the message I wanna give.”
Stefani also opened up about realizing her family fell apart in February 2015.
"It was devastating," she admitted. "I didn’t know what to do. It was a real big secret. I tried everything to fix it."
Luckily, her 2-year-old son, Apollo, was a silver lining. In fact, his birth helped Stefani, then 44, cope with the imminent divorce.
"I had already started on a spiritual journey when I got pregnant with Apollo (in 2013)," said Stefani, who is also mom to 9-year-old Kingston and 7-year-old Zuma. "That was sort of like, 'Wow, really? I’m gonna be blessed with a baby... now?' That was a miracle. It just started me on this spiritual journey, and thank God it started then, because I was prepared when I had the tragedy. I had that nest of spirituality in me."
Apollo wasn't the singer's only lifesaver, however. Besides Blake Shelton, Stefani notes she had a gaggle of supportive gay friends ("a big posse" she shares with Shelton, she said) who consoled her and "made me look pretty when I didn’t feel pretty."