"We need wall. We have a tremendous amount of drugs coming in through the southern border, or the 'brown line' as many people have asked me not to call it," Baldwin's Trump explained as he addressed the press in front of a fake White House.
"That's why we need wall! Wall works. Wall makes safe," he continued, in his barely comprehensible signature style. "You don't need to be smart to understand that. In fact, it's even easier to understand if you're not that smart."
Trump went on to detail the string of events that are inevitably about to occur in reaction to his press conference, and have already happened time and again since he took office.
"You all see why I had to fake this national emergency, right? I have to because I want to," he said. "So I'm gonna sign this papers for emergency, then I'll immediately be sued, and then the ruling will not go in my favor, and it will go to the supreme court, and then I'll call my buddy Kavanaugh, and I'll say, 'It's time repay the Donny,' and he'll say, 'New phone. Who dis?' And then the Mueller report will be released, crumbling my house of cards, and then I'll just plead insanity, and then just do a few months in the puzzle factory, and my personal hell of playing president will finally be over."
Trump then went onto reluctantly take questions from reporters in the press pool, whom he mostly just berated, ignored, and belligerently threatened, per usual.
He also reflected on how much harder being the commander-in-chief has been than he could have known, and said that when Barack Obama explained the job to him on his first day in officer, he didn't believe it.
"Had I known then what I know now, I would have told Putin to just give the job to Hillary," Trump said, dismayed.
Finally, he wrapped up the press conference with some simple fear mongering. "In conclusion, this is a total emergency, a five-alarm blaze, so I'm off to Mar-A-Lago, so I can play some golf, and live from New York it's Saturday night!"
SNL airs Saturdays at 11:30 p.m. ET, 8:30 p.m. PT on NBC.