Baldwin's Trump made an announced appearance in the show's cold open, set at a virtual high school graduation, held over Zoom, where the president was tapped to serve as a keynote speaker.
"You're actually lucky to be graduating right now. There are so many exciting new jobs out there, like grocery store bouncer, camgirl, porch pirate, amateur nurse, and coal," Baldwin's Trump explained to the students as they slowly, one-by-one, began to leave the meeting. "Don't forget about coal. It's in the ground, and you just dig down and grab it."
Trump went on to say that he is "going to make sure colleges are open in the fall."
"Online college is a scam and I should know, my online college was ranked number one craziest scam by U.S. News every year it was open," Trump continued, before coughing a bit and then drinking his "old invincibility juice" -- i.e. a swig from a bottle of Clorox.
"Look, I know this is hard, so I'm gonna give you some real advice," Trump said, as some dramatic music kicked in. "Believe in yourselves and you can achieve anything. Look at me -- I started as the son of a simple wealthy slumlord, and grew to become a billionaire, a president, and the world's lead expert on infectious diseases."
"Surround yourself with the worst people you can find, that way you'll always shine. If you don't understand something, just call it stupid," Trump continued. "Never wear sunscreen. And live every day like it's your last because we're going to let this virus run wild... this virus that, remember, was started in a lab by Obama!"
"Reach for the stars, because if you're a star, they'll let you do it," Trump added. "Thank you class of 2020, and let's have the greatest summer of our lives. Who's with me?"
Met with mostly silence and empty screens, Trump quipped, "Wow, this crowd has thinned out faster than Adele."