'SNL' Goes Inside Lori Loughlin's Time Behind Bars in Star-Studded Cold Open
By Zach Seemayer
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Saturday Night Live ditched their political material for this week's "Cold Open" and instead took gave viewers a look inside the big house, where three criminals are comparing how tough and crazy they are, before getting schooled by Lori Loughlin (played brilliantly by Kate McKinnon).
"You all think you're crazy? I paid $500 grand to get my daughter in USC!" McKinnon's Loughlin growled menacingly.
"You paid $500 grand for USC?" Kenan Thompson's con asked, confused.
"And that's not even including the $300 grand I paid in tuition," Loughlin added.
When the disturbed fellow inmates ask for one of the guards to get her away from them, Loughlin simply laughed.
"I own the guards in here," she explained. "I helped their kids get into a really competitive Pre-K."
Putting the final nail in the coffin, Loughlin explained the true extent of her madness.
"I've done 68 Hallmark movies! I've seen hell, man," she snarled. "And In half those movies, I married Santa's son. So I've lost all sense of reality!"
However, she wasn't alone in the cell. Pete Davidson rocked a bald wig to play recently arrested lawyer Michael Avenatti, before Michael Keaton surprised everyone by playing WikiLeaks founder Julian Assange -- complete with an insane fake beard -- who described himself as "the architect of anarchy and the king of chaos."
When an inmate Kyle Mooney challenged his madness, Assange threatened him with the exposure of his most private photos.
"I hope you're proud of every single photo in your icloud," Assange threatened. "Because every single one of your ding dong pics just went on the internet."