How do we love Khloe Kardashian? Let us count the ways.
For starters, the Keeping Up With the Kardashians star is not afraid to speak her mind, delivering some of the show’s funniest, most outrageous and on-point quotes. Even on her toughest days, Khloe’s dry humor and wit seem to always shine through. Plus, she is a pro at turning lemons into lemonade. “Ever since Kim called me a troll, I love using that word,” she once famously joked.
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As Khloe celebrates her 30th birthday on Friday, Entertainment Tonight counts down 30 of her best, most hilarious quotes. Happy Dirty Thirty, Khloe!
1. “I hear the pitter-patter of a dinosaur.” – On hearing mom Kris Jenner’s footsteps approaching.
2. "You know why she's the most Googled person? Because she was Googling herself." – On sister Kim Kardashian. (Bonus: “I’m surprised you’re not home checking your Google Alerts.” – to Kim.)
3. “If I sweat on Oprah, I’m gonna just die.”
4. “Wow my sister has changed. She used to whip her boobs out for no reason. Now she does it to feed her child.” – On sister Kourtney Kardashian becoming a mom.
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5. “He's a douche lord, so I hit him.” – On Scott Disick.
6. "Sometimes a b**ch snaps."
7. "It's haunting me for the rest of my life" – On Kim’s song “Jam.”
8. “Droopy balls? Buy briefs! A bra for your balls!” – Via Twitter.
9. “She’ll thank us all later when she still has a place to live.” – On helping with Kim’s pre-nuptial agreement ahead of the short-lived Kris Humphries marriage.
10. “Do you know why I call you Frankie? Because you remind me of a glimpse of Frankenstein. You just need little bolts right here.” – To Kris Humphries, gesturing to her neck.
11. “Your neck doesn’t look like leather anymore!” – To mom Kris after a facelift.
12. “Your hair is, like, shorter than a vagina’s bush.” – To mom Kris after a haircut.
13. “I could maybe hit it better if they were black balls.” – To Bruce Jenner, on golfing.
14. “I’m Khloe. My sisters say I am a b**ch.”
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15. “Her nickname isn’t Elizabeth Taylor just for the diamonds.” – On Kim.
16. “Hi Satan!” – Addressing mom Kris on the phone.
17. "Are you going to be a boring whore your whole life?" – To one of her sisters.
18. “Sorry, Sir, I curse a lot.”
19. “Let's get real here. Are you bi, Bruce?”
20. “Mom, there is a whore watching your children, basically topless, around your husband. You need to get over here before your husband leaves you for this 12-year-old be-otch.” – On Kendall and Kylie’s new babysitter.
21. "Seriously, the Bush and the Tush, that was, like, iconic for me. I loved them. You can't do much better than that." – On Kim and ex-boyfriend Reggie Bush.
22. “Awko taco.” – Via Twitter.
23. “Hi guys! Shake your t*ts! Oh yeah, they jiggle baby!” – Khloe’s speech at Kim’s bachelorette party.
24. “I have a nipple obsession and personally love when women show their nipples— perhaps I was a member of a nudist colony in my last life.” – On her sheer X-Factor top.
25. "A little bun in the oven. Your ass is gonna be so big." – On Kim’s pregnancy.
26. "I am gonna turn into an alcoholic tonight."
27. "Now I slore it up in public, and that's the way it should be."
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28. "Don’t go into the ocean while on your period because a shark is going to attack you."
29. “A lot of adults don’t think it’s their place to interfere with kids. I interfere all the time.” – On other people’s children.
30. “I just want to s**t on her face!” – On stepmom Ellen Kardashian.