YouTube star Myka Stauffer is speaking out about her controversial decision to rehome her adopted son, Huxley. Almost one month after Stauffer and her husband, James, shared the news of their difficult decision on YouTube, the mother of four biological children -- daughters Kova, 8, and Jaka, 6, and sons Radley, 4, and Onyx, 11 months -- took to Instagram to apologize.
"I want to first apologize for the uproar and take full responsibility for all of the hurt that I have caused," Stauffer began the lengthy post. "This decision has caused so many people heartbreak and I'm sorry for letting down so many women that looked up to me as a mother. I'm sorry for the confusion and pain I have caused, and I am sorry for not being able to tell more of my story from the beginning."
Stauffer called herself "naive" when starting the adoption process, adding, "I was not selective or fully equipped or prepared. I received one day of watching at home online video training and gained my Hague adoption certification which was required by my accredited adoption agency. For me, I needed more training."
She went on to note that though the experience has been difficult, she's still glad it happened because Huxley has been given a new chance at life after being brought from China to America in 2017.
"I also know that even though he is happier in his new home and doing better that he still experienced trauma and I'm sorry, no adoptee deserves any more trauma," she continued. "I wanted to help so bad I was willing to bring home any child that needed me. For this I was naive, foolish, and arrogant. I wish so bad I would have been more prepared and done more. I wish the decision to disrupt never had to be made."
She went on to "debunk" rumors surrounding her family's situation, writing, "We did not adopt a child to gain wealth. While we did receive a small portion of money from videos featuring Huxley and his journey, every penny and much more went back into his care. Getting Huxley the care and services he needed was very expensive and we made sure he got every service, and resource we could possibly find."
She added that their family is "not under any type of investigation," saying she plans to share more of their story "soon."
Stauffer concluded her post, writing, "We love Huxley and know that this was the right decision for him and his future. Praying that Huxley only has the best future in the entire world."
Since Stauffer's reveal that she rehomed Huxley in late May, she's lost more than 20,000 YouTube subscribers and received lots of online criticism. She spent years documenting the adoption process for Huxley who had been diagnosed with a brain cyst, and had a small brain tumor at birth. Once they brought Huxley home, Stauffer said he was "profoundly developmentally delayed" and also displayed worrisome behavior like "violently banging his head against the wall" as well as biting and pinching his other siblings. She said that after Huxley saw multiple specialists, he was diagnosed with autism spectrum disorder level 3.
"Do I feel like a failure as a mom? Like, 500 percent," an emotional Stauffer said in the YouTube announcement. "So when you get, like, insidious, hurtful comments, it just, like, really makes it hurt worse. It's not about me at all, but it's just, like, this journey has been -- the last couple months have been, like, the hardest thing I could have ever imagined."