Billie Eilish Recalls Suicidal Thoughts: 'I Didn't Think I'd Make It to 17'

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Billie Eilish is opening up about a dark time in her life.

The 18-year-old singer sat down with Gayle King for the CBS This Morning co-host's The Gayle King GRAMMY Special that aired on Thursday, and she talked candidly about being clinically depressed in 2018. Eilish was not handling her sudden, intense fame well, and she also lost most of her friends who couldn't relate to her new pop star status.

"I was so unhappy, and I was so, like, joyless," she says about feeling lonely and isolated. "I don't want to be too dark but I genuinely, like, didn't think I'd make it to 17."

Eilish specifically recalls an incident in Berlin, where she contemplated jumping out of a window.

"I was alone in my hotel, and I remember there was a window right there," she shares. "I remember crying because I was thinking about how, the way that I was going to die was, I was gonna do it."

The singer confirms the lyric "I wanna end me" in her hit, "Bury a Friend," is her talking about herself.

"I was," Eilish says when asked by King about the lyric.

"It also rhymed," she adds with a laugh.

Eilish credits her mother, Maggie Baird, for her not ending her life. She also underwent therapy and had the full support of her family, including her older brother and musical collaborator, Finneas O'Connell. Now, Eilish reaches out to fans she sees with cuts on their arms, as she used to hide self-inflicted cuts herself.

"I just grab them by the shoulders and I'm like, 'Please, take care of yourself and be good to yourself and be nice to yourself. Don't take that extra step and hurt yourself further and you can't take it back,'" she says.

Eilish earned an incredible six GRAMMY nominations this year for her debut album, When We All Fall Asleep, Where Do We Go?. Most notably, she is in contention for the four big awards -- Album of the Year, Song of the Year, Record of the Year and Best New Artist -- and is the youngest woman ever to do that. ET spoke with the singer in September and at the time, she was still processing all of her success.

"I still haven't thought about it," she said. "I think it's so weird when people think they're going to be huge. God, that's so weird. I never in a million years would have thought this sh*t would happen. I'm only grateful for it, for real."

She also talked about turning 18.

"Eighteen has been, like, the age I've always wanted to be my entire life and here it is," she said.

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