"It speaks to a lot of things that have happened in this past year,” she explained during her interview with CBS Sunday Morning. When asked to elaborate, she said, "Here we go. Oh, lawdy! 2017 just wasn't how I imagined it. I'd kind of planned that 2017 was, you know, going to be the year that I work on new music, and I have a baby. We got pregnant early 2017, and didn't work out.”
She went on to explain that, at this point, she worked to appreciate that some things are out of her hands, despite the painful circumstances.
"And that was the thing, in the beginning it was like, 'Okay, God, we know this is, just wasn't Your timing. And that is all right. We will bounce back and figure our way through it,'" she recalled. "And I got pregnant again in the spring, and it didn't work out. Got pregnant again, early 2018. Didn't work out. So, at that point, it was just kind of like, 'Okay, like, what's the deal? What is all of this?’”
Underwood shared that focusing on writing new music and her career helped her through this devastating period in her life.
“And throughout the whole process, you know, I'm writing and, like, literally right after finding out that I would lose a baby, I'd have a writing session, I'd be like, 'Let's go. You know, I can't just sit around thinking about this. Like, I wanna work, I wanna do this,'" she shares. "Cause I would literally have these horrible things going on in my life, and then have to go smile and, like, do some interviews or, like, do a photo shoot or something, you know? So it was just kind of, like, therapeutic, I guess."
The 35-year-old songstress also shares that during her current pregnancy, she was convinced one evening that she’d experienced yet another miscarriage and it shook her to her core.
"Mike was away just for the evening, and I texted him, and I was like, 'I don't really want to be alone, so I'm just gonna go snuggle with [her first child] Isaiah,'" she says. "And I don't know how I didn't wake him up, but I was just sobbing. And I was like, 'Why on Earth do I keep getting pregnant if I can't have a kid? Like, what is this? Shut the door. Like, do something. Either shut the door or let me have a kid.'"
"And for the first time, I feel like I actually I told God how I felt," she says. "And I feel, like, we're supposed to do that. That was like a Saturday – and the Monday I went to the doctor to, like, confirm, another miscarriage. And they told me everything was great! And I was like, 'You heard me.' Not that He hasn't in the past. But maybe, I don't know, He heard me."
She added that all this excruciating loss informed her new music, particularly the album’s titular single.
“I feel like there's a lot of songs, there's several songs on the album that came from that, you know, or I connect with in a totally different way because of those experiences that we went through," Underwood explained. "And they were hard. And it sucked so much! But things are looking better."
Get more news on Underwood's pregnancy in the clip below.