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Kelly Osbourne got real about her relapse and recovery on this week's Red Table Talk. The TV personality sat down with Jada Pinkett Smith, Willow Smith and Adrienne "Gammy" Banfield-Norris on Wednesday's episode of the Facebook Watch series -- and admitted she "never went to work sober" before going to rehab.
"When I first got sober, I didn't feel like I deserved to be in any room that I was in," Kelly said. "And then I gained so much weight, so I thought that everyone was just looking at me like, 'She’s fat and disgusting.'"
"People were taking pictures of me and I could see them. 'Look at how fat Kelly Osbourne is now.' So, it’s like, you have to get in touch with vulnerabilities and things that trigger you," she continued. "Like, I never went to work sober. I never went to dinner sober. I didn't do anything sober. Like, nothing sober."
Kelly recalled her addiction starting after she was prescribed Vicodin following a tonsillectomy when she was 13. It quieted her insecurities, and Kelly's insecurities "went from Vicodin to Percocet, from Percocet to heroin, eventually, because it was cheaper," she explained. Kelly's drug of choice, however, is alcohol. "I came from an alcoholic family," she reasoned.
"I was alone, sitting by the pool, waiting for someone to have a meeting with me. And I saw this woman and her husband had a glass of champagne. It looked really nice, and I thought, 'I'll do that too,'" she remembered.
Kelly had two glasses of wine the next day, and the day after that it was bottles. "All of the sudden, everything's falling apart," she said.
The former Fashion Police co-host -- and self-professed "closet drinker" -- said she realized the severity of her behavior when her boyfriend, Erik Bragg, looked over and saw her "sh*t faced on his couch, eating pizza."
"I felt the way he looked at me," she told Jada, Willow and Gammy. "He was disappointed, because he hadn't seen that side of me. It was embarrassing, because for the first time ever, I actually care how he feels, and I care how my behavior impacts him... It happened like that."
Kelly credits her boyfriend for his support, as well as her family. Her father, Ozzy Osbourne, has been sober for seven years, while her brother Jack has been sober for 18.
With her support groups "ripped apart" during the pandemic, Kelly has really leaned on Jack, and views him as an example.
"As a woman, I would have loved to be married and have children by now. My brother has three daughters... but that wasn't in the cards. And I wouldn't be any kind of mother," Kelly said, admitting she thought she'd just stop doing drugs when she got pregnant. "That's insane that I would think that!"
During her time at the red table, Kelly also discussed her gastric sleeve surgery, which helped her lose 85 pounds.
"It retrained my relationship with food," she raved. "I can become addicted to food, and so to not have that obsession is the best gift I could have given myself other than sobriety."
"I did the mind, I did the body and now it's the soul," she shared.