In a personal essay published in The New York Times on Friday, the 34-year-old co-host of The View reveals she suffered a miscarriage "a few weeks ago," and had to put on a smile as she conducted a photo shoot for the magazine's cover story.
Titled "Meghan McCain: What I Learned From My Miscarriage," the daughter of late Senator John McCain says she "should have been proud" at that moment, as the story was "a vindication" of The View's significance as a place at the center of political debate.
"I knew my father would have been proud. I look back at those pictures now, and I see a woman hiding her shock and sorrow," writes Meghan, who has been married to Ben Domenech since November 2017. "I am posed for the camera, looking stern and strong, representing my fellow conservative women across the country. But inside, I am dying. Inside, my baby is dying."
"I knew I was pregnant before I formally knew I was pregnant. My body told me in all the ways women are familiar with," she adds. "It told me in the same ways that I was miscarrying. The confirmation from my doctor came the day of that photo shoot, at the worst possible time."
Meghan continues on, writing, "I loved my baby, and I always will." She later discusses what it was like having to miss a few days of work, which resulted in widespread rumors circling about the reason for her absence from The View.
"This was not supposed to be public knowledge. I have had my share of public grief and public joy. I wish this grief -- the grief of a little life begun and then lost -- could remain private," she shares. "I am not hiding anymore. My miscarriage was a horrendous experience and I would not wish it upon anyone."
"Even to this day, the subject of a miscarriage carries so much cultural taboo," she continues. "Miscarriage is a pain too often unacknowledged. Yet it is real, and what we have lost is real. We feel sorrow and we weep because our babies were real. They were conceived, and they lived, fully human and fully ours — and then they died. We deserve the opportunity to speak openly of them, to share what they were and to mourn."
It's been a difficult year for Meghan. Aside from her miscarriage, the TV personality has also been mourning the loss of her father, who died last August following a battle with brain cancer.
She revealed via Twitter in October 2018 that she'd be making her return to The View after taking a break to be with her family. "I will be getting back on the horse @TheView Monday October 8th. Thank you all for your patience & understanding," she wrote at the time, before sharing the Rocky quote, "It's not about how hard you hit. It's about how hard can you get hit and keep moving forward."