Yolanda Hadid is getting candid about just how much her battle with Lyme disease has affected her.
The former Real Housewives of Beverly Hills star was diagnosed with the disease in 2012 and has been open about suffering from painful symptoms. In her new memoir out Sept. 12, Believe Me: My Battle With the Invisibility of Lyme Disease, she shares that at one point, she no longer wanted to live. Hadid says she was on a trip to Florida in 2014 with her then-husband, David Foster, when she contemplated letting herself drown.
“The waves gently wash over my naked body, and I can feel the current tugging at me," she writes, via People. "Tears pour out of my eyes, roll across my cheeks, and meld with the salt water as I try to still my mind to become one with the water’s ebb and flow. God, please just take me away in a wave. I can’t live like this one more day. Please carry my body away. I just want to disappear."
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However, her three children -- models Gigi, Bella and Anwar Hadid -- kept her afloat.
"My next thought is a clear image of my three children," she continues. "It shifts my consciousness immediately and that’s the only thing that keeps me from letting myself drift and drown.”
ET spoke with 53-year-old Hadid in April, and she shared that she's feeling much better these days when it comes to her health.
"I feel great today," she exclaimed. "I was just saying to my son [Anwar], it's a very different story than last year and the year before, coming to this event. ...I'm, let's say, 90 percent there."
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"I'm still in treatment and living a very conscientious life," she added. "As you know, there is no cure for Lyme disease. You know, I'm in remission and I'd like to stay there until I find a cure."