The Speedo-loving blond was the ultimate hot commodity on the beach, as he spent the two-hour episode kissing Tayshia as well as new arrivals Tahzjuan and Haley -- and seemingly only threw up once!
While JPJ was the Bachelor of Paradise, other relationships found themselves drowning. ET was live blogging along the way, as Caelynn questioned whether Dean was really ready for a real relationship, decided he was... and then got pulled aside to have a chat about their future. Ouch!
Scroll down for minute-by-minute updates.
Looks like Dean and Caelynn's conversation didn't go so well, because she's in TEARS in the next promo. Then, after that, Krystal and Chris get married in a Bachelor Nation wedding.
JPJ and Derek get in a fight, Clay comes face-to-face with Angela, and sh*t's going down!
Caitlin, Tahzjuan and Jen are out -- and forced to say their goodbyes.
"Chris giving me this rose is such a relief. It makes me feel validated," Katie gushes, and Jen looks into the camera with disgust.
Kristina boasts about Blake's "easy choice" to give his rose to her. "Kristina definitely saw me as a threat. I don't know what she said to him... I don't know. I just think she's malicious," Caitlin hisses.
And just when we think Caelynn might be in the clear with Dean, he pulls her aside to talk. Uh oh!
Dylan gives his rose to Hannah, Clay gives his to Nicole, Mike gives his to Sydney and Dean gives his to Caelynn.
Now for the surprises: Blake gives his rose to Kristina (and she smiles like a villain and WE LOVE IT). Derek gives his rose to Tayshia, and John Paul Jones gives his rose to Haley.
Chris is the last rose of the night, and Katie is making us SICK with anticipation. He picks up his rose, we get 15 seconds of dramatic music, and he finally gives it to... Katie!
Changing the Rules
GUYS, it's only the third rose ceremony. WE'RE SEVEN EPISODES IN. Good on producers for making so much television out of approximately four days of filming!!
"This has been a huge, impactful week in Paradise. It's all because love is being found here again," Chris Harrison says. "Paradise is all about finding love, no matter what that looks like. So, I hope you guys will respect that I'm going to change the rules."
Chris explains that the guys will hand out the roses tonight, but Demi will go first, to give her rose to Kristian.
"I'm not nervous going into this. I'm excited," Kristian reveals. "Seeing Demi's vulnerability and commitment... has brought us closer together."
Harrison comes back in to give the group the low-down: some of them are going home tonight.
"I'm not happy at all," Katie cries. "I wanted to find love, and it might be too late!"
Katie tells Chris that she's putting all her eggs in his basket. "I don't want you to doubt where my head's at," she says.
"I've appreciated every second with you," Chris replies. "I'm not 100 percent sure where were at."
He's questioning Katie for telling him to go on a date with Jen. "I came over here to try to be bold... I'm saying things that I want. I want you, Chris Bukowski. I really care about you. I want this. Do you?" she asks him.
"I don't know if I can give you an answer right now. I just need some more time, I think," he says, and KATIE IS CRUSHED.
"I probably did mess up!" she sobs.
Up for grabs is Chris' rose, after Katie gave him her blessing to go on a date with Jen. She regrets it, and Chris doesn't know what to think.
"I do have a solid relationship with Katie... but I'm a gambling guy," he tells Jen. "I just have a good feeling about you."
Katie realizes that the only way she stands a chance of staying is to tell Chris how she really feels. "Hi guys. Can I interrupt for a second?" she asks, as Jen runs off.
It's Caelynnn's birthday and she's scared that Dean has the upper hand. "Jeans to a rose ceremony? Jeans and a cardigan?" she asks Dean of his get-up.
Dean tells Caelynn he's got something for her, and returns with the cast to sing "Happy Birthday."
They pop a bottle of champagne, and apparently that's all Caelynn needed to erase all doubts about Dean. "Happy birthday. Thanks for putting up with me," he tells her.
"He really has made an effort, and I know it's hard for him... but it's really sweet," she gushes. "I'm falling."
Derek, meanwhile, tells Tayshia that he wants to break their friendship "barrier" and see where it takes them. They makeout and Tayshia is THRILLED.
"He's a better kisser than Colton, so I feel like I've already upgraded," she reveals.
"It sucks watching this," JPJ confesses. "Tayshia's what I want. This whole thing, it's just brutal."
JPJ is having a hard time deciding if he's going to give his rose to the seagull or the pigeon.
"JPJ is an amazing guy. He's just fun, and I just really enjoy his company. But as far as Derek, I feel really bad for Derek," Tayshia reveals. "I hope he's able to reflect and move on."
She pulls Derek aside, and JPJ watches them hold hands across the beach. "Do you have ADD?" Tahzjuan asks JPJ, who seems insulted when he asks her if she's just being "friendly and sarcastic."
John Paul Jones starts doing cartwheels on the beach, and Tahzjuan puts her downstairs on full display trying to copy him.
Haley calls out "Pigeon" Tahzjuan and pulls JPJ aside -- but now Tahzjuan is ready to call Haley a pigeon.
"You called me a pigeon. You're the pigeon. I'm a seagull. So is John Paul Jones. We're seagulls. You're a pigeon," she tells Haley.
"A seagull is just as bad a pigeon. Seagulls are the scum of the ocean, and pigeons are the scum of the earth... there's more water on the earth," Haley notes.
John Paul Jones
JPJ pulls Demi aside to suffocate her with pillow.
"So far, it's been really, really hard being here," Kristian says. "I did accept Demi's apology. If she wants to, like, just be with me... but if she's looking to be with somebody else, I didn't sign up for this."
Kristian follows Demi and JPJ, and tells Demi it's hard to watch her with another guy.
"It's John Paul Jones!" Demi says. "We could never have anything romantic. He looks like my brother. I'm sure that was uncomfortable... but that's John Paul Jones."
Five minutes after telling Caitlin he's giving her his rose, Blake tells her he's now not sure.
"I think [Kristina] deserves another chance to find someone next week," Blake reasons.
Caitlin tells Blake she likes him -- and he apologizes for blindsiding her. BUT HOW YOU GOING TO FIX IT, BOO?
"It was sh*tty for him to tell me he was going to [give me his rose], and then twenty minutes later [say the opposite]," Caitlin cries.
Bring It, Kristina!
Kristina accidentally calls Caitlin Caelynn and we're LOSING OUR SH*T BECAUSE WE DO THAT AT LEAST ONCE AN EPISODE.
Blake is confused at why Kristina keeps inserting herself. "You know I consider you one of my closest friends," he tells her.
"If I were Blake, the smartest thing to do would be to give his rose to me," she tells the camera. "If he really wanted her here, he would have gone after her at Stagecoach," she hisses. DAMN, KRISTINA. (But also, you're right!)
B**ches Being B**ches
Blake puts his dancing moves on Caitlin (Again? Really? How is this still happening?).
"Right now, you're 100 percent getting my rose," he tells her. "I don't see that changing."
Kristina is dead set NOT letting that happen. "You don't have to be a b**ch, just because you can be a b**ch," Caitlin tells the camera.
What's a Rose Ceremony?
We're back from commercial break, and it's time for the rose ceremony.
Things are up in the air and Blake is brushing his teeth because he's probably going to try to kiss every woman he hasn't already.
We see Kristian for maybe the first time this episode, but she's safe and getting her rose from Demi.
Chris arrives to kick off the cocktail party, and several women spring into action. "I have no idea what a rose ceremony entails," Kristian finally says. Respect that, girl!
Elsewhere, it seems Derek might be moving on from Demi.
Tayshia pulls him aside, telling him it's OK to be emotional. "What do I do, Tayshia?" he asks.
"What's going to make you happy?" she replies.
Derek reveals he's attracted to Tayshia, but right now, he's just questioning his place here in Paradise. "I don't know how to take the next step while I'm here," he says.
"You deserve happiness," Tayshia insists, telling him to open his heart. "Don't take away from your experience here."
JPJ is hardcore STRUGGLING telling Tahzjuan that he's not that into her.
"I'm physically and emotionally drained right now. Cheers," he says.
"That was the weirdest toast I ever heard here," Wells notes.
Tahzjuan says she wanted to spit in Haley's wine, and then calls her a pigeon.
"I don't know how I was supposed to react to that," Haley tells the camera. "B**ch, I'm not a pigeon!"
She leaves Tahzjuan alone to cry to JPJ, and tries to get some clarity from Tayshia.
"I honestly have no idea. This girl is a little delusional," Tayshia claims.
Tahzjuan needs a "stiff" drink. "I've only been here for less than a day and I don't know what's happening," she complains to Wells.
JPJ, meanwhile, is having the time of his life on his date, and he and Haley suck each other's faces for 45 minutes before arriving back at the beach.
He finally makes his way to Tahzjuan at the bar -- bu Haley comes along. "We went horseback riding. What else do you want to know?" he asks.
"Did you guys kiss," Tahzjuan asks RIGHT IN FRONT OF HALEY.
"Yeah, we did," he reveals.
Wells awkwardly asks about JPJ's time in Paradise, and Tahzjuan brags about their "naked" jump into the river.
Jen tries to comfort Tahzjuan, but we're not sure if it's possible. She can't figure out how to function, has sh*t in her eyes, and is moping harder than Cam ever did.
All that angst culminates in SEVERAL loud screams on the beach, and while we're highly disturbed, again, we relate to her on a SPIRITUAL LEVEL.
Tazhjuan is in a spinning chair, but everywhere she turns, people are being "cute."
"How can they be doing any of that? It's 110 degrees. It's too hot to be touching!" she whines. GIRL, WE FEEL YOU.
"I'm sick of seeing all this lovey dovey," Tahzjuan complains -- but looks like she got that chips and guac. She sits like a manatee in the pool eating pasta and we've never been so jealous.
True to form, JPJ is already hacking, as he coughs up his champagne.
He can't get over how "sexy" Haley is, and they get physical FAST. HE IS FULL-ON GRABBING HER BUTT, PEOPLE!!!
Tahzjuan is taken to a daybed, and medics are called in -- to say she's just dehydrated.
"Can we get more Gatorade for Tahz?" they ask.
"Can I get guacamole?" she asks. WE RESPECT IT.
JPJ gets dressed for his date, and he already has the giggles.
He finally makes it up the stairs, sees Tahzjuan and starts to talk to her, but then sees Haley and runs off. "I'm so stoked," he grunts as they head off.
JPJ and Haley aren't even together yet, but Tahzjuan already wants to break them up. She's crying (we think), but we're not sure if she's more upset about JPJ or how hot it is. Oh, it's the heat.
"If I pass out, don't let me go. I can still be alive," she cries out.
Coffee and a Nap
Haley pulls away JPJ first to get the story.
"I'm, like, blanking right now," he says when asked what his deal is. "It's hard to say. It's Paradise. I'm doing my best over here!"
He finally tells Haley that he and Tayshia hit it off, but he went on his first date with Tahzjuan, and it was "super fun."
JPJ then heads off for a nap, as the rest of the cast marvels at how lethargic he is.
JPJ dozes off, and Haley wakes him up to ask him out on a date -- advising he gets "some coffee and a nap" first.
Tahzjuan opens up about how great of a time she had on her date with JPJ, who could not look more miserable as he complains at how exhausted he is.
He's going to have to perk up, however, as Haley Ferguson hits the beach with the intention of dating JPJ.
"She never goes anywhere without her sister. She's gotta fly out of her nest now," Tahzjuan shades her.
Don't Hug Me!
Caelynn breaks down, feeling "stupid" for thinking she could get something more out of Dean than having fun for the summer. "I don't get why he came here," she tells the camera.
She cries about how upset she is at the bar, and interestingly Blake tries to comfort her. "Don't hug me!" she barks at him.
We get a sensualllllll shot of Nicole and Clay after spending the night together, and they're locked in.
Caelynn, however, is ready to have the hard convos with Dean.
"I'm happy with this, clearly," Dean says.
"I think your reputation has people worried," Caelynn shares. "I just want to know where your thoughts are."
"I suck at dating," Dean says, noting that he lives in a van and he's not interested in going to dinner parties and talking about their emotions.
"I think your mind's made up, that it's going to stop after Paradise," she tells him.
"I think you'd be miserable as my girlfriend," Dean laughs.
Getting Sucked In
Caelynn realizes that she's getting "sucked in" to Dean's act.
"I need to challenge myself and challenge Dean," she says. "I just want to know it's safe to feel the way I'm feeling."
Looks like we'll get that conversation when we come back -- but Caelynn's left in tears.
Plus, Haley arrives and puts JPJ's relationship with Tahzjuan into jeopardy. Uh oh!
Back at the beach, Caelynn gushes over how comfortable she feels with Dean. "We just work so well together," she says. "I fully see us leaving here in a relationship, so I'm really excited."
"It takes a real woman to be able to love that 'stache," Wells tells her at the bar, while Demi warns she thinks Dean's going to be a "heartbreaker."
"I love Dean... but the thing about Dean is no one's been able to like, wrangle him. You need to decide what you want out of him," Wells notes.
"I know the emotions are very strong for you, but you need to take a step back," Demi says. "Don't do what every other girl does with him."
John Paul Jones is dancing it out and it's SO FUNNY. He and Tahzjuan get sweaty and decide to get in the river and makeout.
"My stomach might be bubbling, but I think the potential is there for romance. I might Tahzjuan-t to kiss her tonight," he shares.
Colton's a Bad Kisser
Back at the beach, the group talks about their worst kisses -- and it seems Colton Underwood wasn't the best.
Sydney disses him, and then Tayshia reveals she didn't think he was that great either. "He got better towards the end," she shared. "I'm a good teacher."
JPJ's Loving It
"I think the date is going incredibly well," JPJ shares, revealing that he hasn't laughed that long in a long time.
JPJ kicks off his first one-on-one date -- and he's looking forward to see how Tayshia reacts to him interacting with other women.
"Cheers to my first Tahzjuan-on-one," JPJ says, raising his glass and erupting into laughter. "Sorry, that was good!"
"What was the 'epitimology' of your name?" he asks her. She explains where her name comes from, and he cracks up again.
JPJ is clearly out of his element on this date, but Tahzjuan steps in to give him guidance when he tries to eat the food. "You're not supposed to eat the date food! I'm trying to help you!" she says. "Do you even know what that is?... If you vomit on me, we are going to have serious issues!"
JPJ starts hacking (like he's done every episode) and we can't handle it.
Ready to Go
Tahzjuan asks JPJ out on the date, and he's ready to go... after talking to Tayshia.
"So, I'm going to have to shower and stuff. I'm really sweaty," he tells her, asking if he can also go talk to someone first.
Then he sees Tayshia gushing over the sunset with Derek and changes his mind, sprinting upstairs to shave his chest and ready himself for the date.
Cue Tahzjuan coming down the steps.
"Finally someone I've never met!" Blake shouts.
She's ready to shake things up with a date card reading, "Pick the Tahzjuan that you want." GIVE THE PRODUCER THAT WROTE THAT A RAISE.
She immediately pulls aside JPJ, who tells her he has a strong connection with Tayshia... and not much else.
"It took me four plane rides, lost luggage, and whole bunch of other sh*t to get me where I'm standing now, so I'm not going to feel bad about anything," she tells the camera, clearly setting her sights on JPJ.
The Beyonce of 'Paradise'
JPJ gushes about Tayshia, comparing her to Beyonce (that's high praise, lady!), but she pulls him aside to talk about how she doesn't see him as her future husband.
"Is there anybody else you wanted to see coming down the stairs?" she asks.
"No, I don't really care, to be honest," JPJ replies.
Tayshia tries to encourage him to explore his options. "It can only benefit you... I just want to make sure you're happy," she says.
"I can't say it'd be easy for me to watch her go on a date with another dude, so it just leaves me with a lot of uncertainty," he confesses.
Derek's Moving On
It's a new day for Derek, who decides it's time to try to get out of his head and have some fun after his dramatic split with Demi.
He gets buried in the sand, because nothing says getting over a breakup like burying yourself alive.
Regardless, he seems to be attracting new ladies -- as Tayshia admits she might be interested. "Maybe something can come out of it," she says.
We get new opening credits for our new arrival, Kristian, who is so tight with Demi that they share a intro. Good for you, girl!
Welcome back to Paradise! This week, Chris Harrison teases JPJ is the hot commodity, while Dean "shows his true colors."
Plus, a surprise ending "you'll have to see to believe," Chris promises. Ooo!
Bachelor in Paradise airs Mondays and Tuesdays at 8 p.m. ET/PT on ABC. Join ET's Bachelor Nation Facebook group here.