Gigi Hadid Admits She Had Anxiety About Being a 'Good Enough' Mom While Pregnant

Gigi Hadid wants to be open with her daughter. The 26-year-old model covers Harper's Bazaar's August issue, and, in the accompanying interview, reveals that she kept both good and bad journals throughout her pregnancy, both of which she hopes to give to her daughter someday.

Hadid and her boyfriend, Zayn Malik, welcomed their daughter, Khai, in September 2020. Hadid is loving motherhood now, easily gushing that her 10-month-old tot is a fan of birds, animals, and the outdoors, but, throughout her pregnancy, she suffered anxiety about becoming a parent.

"During my pregnancy, I had one journal that I called my good journal and one journal that I called my bad journal. They weren’t that literal, but one was more for the memories, for Khai," Hadid explains. "Maybe one day I’ll give her the bad journal just to be real about it. [It has my] anxieties and days where I felt like, 'Am I good enough to be a mom?' I didn’t want to feel guilty about feeling those things or writing those things down. I just liked the separation."

Journaling is something Hadid partook in before she ever became a mom, and one of her many hobbies that expanded amid quarantine due to COVID-19.

"I also have sketch pads where I’ll watercolor-sketch, and sometimes I end up writing there too. I write on the back of receipts and keep those in a notebook," she says. "I’m not particular about it, and my journals are everywhere around the house. I just pick up whichever one is closest to me and write."

"... I deal with a lot of things through just sitting and thinking and writing," Hadid adds. "People made jokes when COVID hit, like, 'Oh, Gigi, you’ve been practicing quarantine for years now,' because when I had a few days off, I would drive to the farm from the city and be with myself in my little cabin, making a resin chair or drying flowers."

That cabin is near her parents, Yolanda and Mohamed's, Pennsylvania farm, where her family, including siblings Anwar and Bella, spent much of the last year. It's during that time together, Hadid says, where each of her family members slide into their respective roles.

"This is not to say that I don’t have a heart or Bella doesn’t have a brain, but when dealing with family stuff and world issues, my mom calls me the brain and Bella the heart," Hadid says. "My brother is half and half. Whatever the family dinner-table discussion is, Bella will be very emotional and compassionate, and I’m sitting there pulling up charts and infographics, speaking very calmly."

"My mom is just very Dutch and to the point," she continues. "And my dad’s a storyteller -- a bit goofy, but always connecting it back to, 'Oh, you’ve heard the old Palestinian saying...'"

As for how Malik fits into the family dynamic, Hadid admits, "At first he was like, 'How do I get a word in edgewise?' But now he is very comfortable."

"He speaks his mind. When he’s in the middle of a family thing and everyone’s like, 'Zayn, whose side are you on?' He’s charming," she praises. "He’s usually on my mom's side. So he's smart in that sense."

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