The season 19 alums separately announced their split over the last week.
Elena Davies is still in love with Mark Jansen.
“Mark and I are no longer together,” Davies bluntly proclaims on a new episode of The MiscELENAeous Podcast. “It’s pretty obvious that I have been very dumped.”
“Love does not just disappear, right along with the man who leaves you,” the Big Brother alum laments. It’s the first time she’s spoken out about the end of her year-and-a-half-long romance with fellow season 19 star Jansen. He broke the news of the "Marlena" breakup last week in a 45-minute-long YouTube video.
“I really didn’t want to give up,” Davies shares. “And I fought really hard for him, and I guess I didn’t fight soon enough, or hard enough, and I didn’t put in enough until it was too late. But I did fight for him until the very last moment, that I found out he had moved on with someone else from Tinder.”
Jansen admitted to moving on in his video confessional, telling viewers he struggled with the fact that Davies didn’t start every day with positivity. Davies confesses that 2018 was a rough year for her emotionally, getting choked up repeatedly as she shares her side of the split on her podcast.
“There was not one day that that man woke up and questioned the depth of my love for him,” Davies tells her listeners. “I didn’t always show it the right way, but he knew I loved him. I was not a perfect girlfriend. I took him for granted a lot of times. There are a million ways I wasn’t the partner he deserves, and if I could go back and change so much I would. I’m sorry I saw him as a guarantee and I let him down, but I never did not love him.”
“But we are very different people,” she adds. “I think that level of disconnect and some inability to effectively communicate and actively listen at times led us to where we are today.”
Jansen relocated from Buffalo, New York, to Davies’ hometown of Dallas after their season of Big Brother ended in September 2017. The pair moved in together and regularly hung out with fellow BB couple Jessica Graf and Cody Nickson. But, Davies says, she struggled with only sharing the “good times” with the fans who got to know them, unfiltered, on the CBS show.
“I think that romantic culture has been ruined by fairy tales,” she says. “Not one single person in this world is dating Prince Charming.”
The 28-year-old says the breakup ultimately came as a result of the lease being up on their shared home. She tells listeners that, when it came down to it, neither she nor Jansen could commit to another year of living together if it meant committing to a year of fights.
“I think navigating any relationship is hard,” Davies admits. “Navigating one that started on reality TV with a person that is your polar opposite, and lacking the luxury of privacy was just something that, I guess, Mark and I couldn’t handle.”
“I loved Mark,” she continues. “I still love Mark, a f**king lot -- oh, what a turn of events -- and my heart is absolutely shattered into a million pieces. Survival after a breakup can feel impossible at times, and the only thing getting me through these hard days is knowing I can survive because I’ve survived before. Also, vodka. Also, Xanax. Also, my wonderful friends and family.”
Still, Davies says she will hold her time with Jansen dear.
“Memories with him are some of my favorite memories,” she says. “And I have never experienced a level of euphoria or bliss or happiness that I have when things were really amazing and good with Mark. I was obsessed with that man. I still am.”
“I wanted to be the girl of his dreams so bad,” she adds through tears. “I hope to never have a podcast like this again.”
For Jansen’s take on the split, watch the video below.