'SNL' Cold Open: Pete Davidson Plays a Alternate-Universe Joe Biden, Jokes About His Own Love Life
By Zach Seemayer
Saturday Night Live returned over the weekend and the show kicked things off with a press presidential press conference featuring Joe Biden (James Austin Johnson) explaining that he has determined the cause behind the massive surge of the omicron variant of the coronavirus.
"I'm here to tell you there is one simple thing you can do to make this whole virus go away. Stop seeing Spider-Man. Just stop seeing Spider-Man," Johnson's Biden told reporters in the press room. "Think about it. When did Spider-Man come out? December 17th. When did every single person get Omicron? The week after December 17th. Stop seeing Spider-Man! That's really all I have to say."
When he began taking questions, it turns out that Biden feels everything from inflation to the conflict on the Russian border.
Finally, one reporter asked the question Biden wanted to hear: "Do you think that elsewhere in the multiverse, there's a version of you that wants people to see Spider-Man?"
"I've actually thought about this a lot. I've consulted with Dr. Fauci and Dr. Strange. As far as I can tell there are at least three Joe Bidens," he replied "One of them is me, one of them is a Joe Biden that lost to Trump... And then there's a third Joe Biden that was the greatest president in history."
When asked if he really believes we're living in a "Spider-Man-style multiverse," Biden shot back, "Doesn't that make more sense that whatever the hell our current world is?!"
Eventually, in a big puff of fog, an alternate timeline Joe Biden -- played by Pete Davidson, rocking a grey wig and a blazer without a shirt, showing off his multitude of chest tattoos -- walked through a dimensional door.
"I am Joe Biden from the real universe the time line you are all living in is about to collapse," Davidson's Biden explained. "You see, it was created as a joke starting in 2016 when the Chicago cubs won the world series, and now it spiraled out of control and could explode at any minute."
"Am I the president in this real world," Johnson's Biden askeed.
"Of course, not. Do you think you would lose four times and then finally win when you were 78?"
When asked about whether or not the rest of the people on the other universe's Earth were OK, Davidson's Biden replied, "Everyone on Earth is better off in the real world except one man named Pete Davidson."
"This world is maybe more fun for him," Davidson's Biden said, barely containing a smile. "Now hurry before the portal closes!"