'ThursDATE': Have You Been Ghosted? Matthew Hussey Explains How to Feel Better Fast (Exclusive)
By Desiree Murphy
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How to Deal With Being Ghosted | ThursDATE With Matthew Hussey
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Ghosts are spooky fun on Halloween, but when it comes to dealing with them in your everyday life, there's nothing ghoul about it!
On this week's edition of ThursDATE with Matthew Hussey, the dating expert explains to ET what happens when someone "ghosts" you, and what you can do to feel better fast.
"Halloween might be a time that's renowned for ghosts, but we no longer experience ghosts only on Halloween. In our dating lives, we are now used to being 'ghosted' the whole year round," Hussey explains. "It is more prevalent, as a phenomenon today, than it has ever been. And that means hurt feelings everywhere, my friends."
"Ghosting's a horrible thing, isn't it? It doesn't feel good, it feels like a rejection," he adds. "And what's more, it feels like a rejection where there's no closure. I think this is one of the top reasons why people obsess over someone that has ghosted them; it's that, 'I don't know what it means. Where did they go? Why did they not call or text me back, even though I thought we had a good time?'"
Hussey says that one of the key factors to getting over someone who left you for dead (aka cut off all communication with no explanation) is to stop looking for that closure. "It's overrated," he says. Here's four other expert tips to help you move on:
1. Realize that disinterest is closure.
Part of the pain in ghosting, Hussey says, is that we're looking for closure on some level, but in reality, a person's disinterest says it all. "We analyze something that does not need to be analyzed," he explains. "All we need to know is that that person isn't interested enough to get back to [you]."
It's simple: If someone isn't texting you, calling you or making an effort to see you, that's all you need to know.
2. Allow your actions to outpace your losses.
Hussey says you should think about this scenario in sales terms. "If you're in business and you make a sales call and that lead doesn't buy from you, you don't sit there all day mourning the loss of that lead," he says. "You go out there and make 10 more sales calls!"
"Go out this weekend, meet five new people," Hussey advises. "I promise you, the person who ghosted you three weeks ago will not occupy so much mental space if you block them out with new opportunities."
3. Don't look at it as a loss.
"Recognize that the reason this hurts is because it actually feels like a loss. And it shouldn't, because you can't lose someone you didn't have," Hussey explains. "Remember this for the rest of your love life and I promise you it will save you from 99% of the heartbreak you will ever walk headfirst into."
"Do not invest in someone based on how much you like them," he continues. "Invest in a person based on how much they invest in you."
Hussey adds that you should never spend emotional investment on something that doesn't exist. "The only person that has value for you is the person that sees the value in you," he shares. "If someone isn't trying, you've lost nothing."
4. Remember, solid relationships are all about consistency.
So, what do you do if this ghost re-appears weeks, months, years later?
"If they text you again and say, 'Hey, do you want to go to dinner even though you haven't heard from me for two months?', you can say, 'I like you, and I was actually excited about where this might be going with you. But I don't really know if you're in the same place as me because you kind of disappeared for two months.' Expose the elephant in the room," suggests Hussey. "That's what no one is doing these days. They're not speaking up. They're not talking about what's weird with a situation."
"Everyone goes on pretending it's all normal," he adds. "If you actually expose the elephant in the room, you get more respect. You create boundaries and someone realizes you are not someone they can just yo-yo in and out of their life."