'I’ve actually never been able to say what happened.'
The 29-year-old actress opened up about her high-profile romance, the cheating scandal that broke them up and her plans to propose to screenwriter Dylan Meyer while on The Howard Stern Show on the SiriusXM channel Howard 100 on Tuesday. Stewart admitted that she's never fully opened up about her relationship with Pattinson because it was so “heavily consumed” by the public.
"I've actually never been able to say what happened because I was so self-conscious about seeming like an attention-seeker,” she told Stern of her and Pattinson's on-off relationship. “We were together for years, that was my first [love]. I was super in love with my high school boyfriend. Super f**king in love with him, but me and Rob were a little older and it was just ‘gu gung.’ He’s the best.”
Asked whether she might have married Pattinson, the Charlie's Angel star admitted that the idea had crossed her mind.
"I don’t know," she said with a laugh. “I wanted to … yeah, no, I’m not a super-duper traditionalist, but at the same time, every relationship I’ve ever been in, I thought that was it. I’ve never, like, casually [dated] … maybe one or two. I’ve never really been the most casual person."
In addition to opening up about her Twilight romance, Stewart also addressed the photos that surfaced in 2012 of her kissing Snow White and the Huntsman director Rupert Sanders. At the time, Sanders, a father of two, was married to Liberty Ross, whom he divorced in 2014, and Pattinson and Stewart reportedly broke up not long after the pics were released. They eventually got back together and called it quits for good in 2013.
"I did not f**k him," she told Stern (via DailyMail) of Sanders, adding that she understands that when "you make out with a dude in public, it definitely looks like you did [have sex]."
The highly publicized cheating scandal is largely thought to be why Stewart was not asked to star in the Snow White sequel, The Huntsman: Winter's War.
"We lived in a different time then, you know what I mean? I feel like the s**t-shaming that went down was so absurd," she told Stern. "And they should’ve put me in that movie! It would’ve been better. Not to be a d**k, but... they didn’t put me in that movie because I went through such a highly publicized scandal, and so they were like scared of touching that."
Years later, Stewart has put the drama behind her and has a whole new outlook on marriage now that she's with Meyer.
"It never did and [now it does,] absolutely,” she said. referring to marrying Meyer. “And, in no way that’s tied to any weird conventions, more just -- when you know, you know. There is nothing like feeling sure about anything because we don’t know anything. The only thing you can feel like you know is if you’re in love with someone."
“I don’t feel like kowtowing to a patriarchal standard, but I do feel like honoring that [love] and having other people recognize it -- f**k the government -- [like] your family,” she added. “That means a lot to me.”
Stewart said she even has a whole proposal plan worked out in her head, hinting that it would honor her and Meyer’s love for Los Angeles, where they both live.
“I can’t f**king wait!” she said about popping the question. “I want to be somewhat reasonable about it, but I think good things happen fast. I have a couple of plans that I think are just the coolest things to do, [but] I’m really impulsive so I don’t know when it’s going to be.”
Stewart didn’t dish too many details on her plans, for fear of ruining the surprise for Meyer. However, she did open up about how the two went from friends to lovers.
"The day that I met her, all bets were off,” she said, referring to the pair reconnecting after several years. “I met her years ago on a movie and I hadn’t seen her for six years and then she rocked up at a friend’s birthday party and I was like, ‘Where have you been and how have I now known you?’”
The two started dating and within a couple of weeks, Stewart was declaring her love for Meyer at a bar late one night.
“It was really late and we were in some shi**y bar and her friends were there and they walked out and I was like, ‘Oh man, I’m so f**king in love with you,’” she shared. “And, it also was so obvious.”
Stewart also addressed the struggles of coming out in Hollywood, and how it’s becoming easier for others. “People five years younger than me have it so much easier than I did three years ago,” she said.
Here's more with Stewart and what to expect from her Charlie's Angels role:
Kristen Stewart Reveals She Can't Get This 'Charlie's Angels' Song Out of Her Head (Exclusive)
Kristen Stewart Says She Was Misunderstood During 'Twilight' Fame: 'I Just Want People to Like Me'