"Every date with Mark is like a first date in your sophomore year of high school. Every date," Ripa says on the show, which follows the friends' bi-coastal video chats in weekly episodes posted every Monday. "Like, every date he's like, 'Is this OK? Is this OK? Is this OK? Can I touch you here? Can I touch you there?'"
The 48-year-old Live With Kelly and Ryan co-host explains that this is because Consuelos, 47, isn't certain about what's actually her and what's just been "glued" or "clipped" in for the evening.
"He's never sure what's glued in, what's clipped in, what's actually a part of my body and what's maybe just temporarily a part of my body," Ripa quips. "When he undresses me, he's the one that coined the phrase 'I'm a human pinata.' Because at the end of the night -- and I don't want to brag, but after a night with me -- it's like party favors all over the floor."
Ripa isn't referring to sexy party favors! She's talking about beauty products. "There's false eyelashes, there's hair extensions, there's chicken cutlets, those are on the floor. You name it," she jokes. "Anything that I try to look like a female in person."
The longtime couple tied the knot back in 1996 and share three kids -- Michael, 21, Lola, 17, and Joaquin, 15. Their oldest son recently landed a role on his dad's hit TV show, Riverdale, and is set to play a high school version of his real-life dad.
When ET caught up with Consuelos back in July, he was tight-lipped about what fans could expect out of season three, which is currently airing. He even claimed that Ripa was more in the loop than he was about the season.
"She knows more about season three than I do," Consuelos said at the time. "She spoke to [showrunner] Roberto [Aguirre-Sacasa]. She has some tidbits."
Watch the video below for more from Ripa and Consuelos: